war, survival, guilt and choice (poem)

redemption starts in a dark
nightmare

i can't forget the light behind
my eyes

not only when i sleep
but when i hide

inside

forgiveness bursts a fireworks
display of every choice i made
to survive and it's cost in lives

not dying became a muscle
memory
living a habit to survive
then a habit to forget
then a habit practiced
in a dark nightmare

tears exploding
i choose not to die
at anyone's hand
not even mine
and step into the light
and cry: all i did
was to survive

— Gregory Ross