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How I Became an American War Hero (poem)

By W.D. Ehrhart

Navy Combat Action Ribbon:
for getting shot at

Purple Heart Medal:
for getting hit

National Defense Service Medal:
for behaving myself for ninety days

Good Conduct Medal:
for behaving myself for three years

Republic of Vietnam Service Medal:
thank you for being in our war (from the US government)

Vietnamese Campaign Medal:
thank you for being in our war (from the Saigon government)

Presidential Unit Citation:
for randomly getting assigned to 1st Battalion, 1st Marines

Cross of Gallantry Unit Citation:
for randomly getting assigned to 1st Battalion, 1st Marines

Civic Action Meritorious Unit Citation:
for randomly getting assigned to 1st Battalion, 1st Marines

Rifle Expert Badge:
for hitting a paper target with a rifle

Pistol Sharpshooter Badge:
for hitting a paper target with a pistol